Two Choices

Two Choices.....

In my adult life, nothing has "stopped me in my tracks" like losing my sister.  It is like my world stopped spinning, however  the rest of the world around me has continued on.   

Although it seems completely selfish...I sometimes find myself feeling a bit angry that people can move on and I feel stuck.  How can they go on being happy when I am so sad?  The good news?  In all this?  It only last a second....which for me is promising.  I know that it is time to get moving again.  Not only do I have a household to run, and children to "run around"...lol, I have a life I need to be living.  I have two choices....

Stay put, or get going.

Ok now its been two weeks since 

I wrote that above......To be honest I have had days that I really did get going.... lunch with friends, a little shopping, working with a big client on a current project....and there have been days where I just stayed PUT!!!!  It sounds so easy above, but the reality of grief really is one step at a time.  I have a dear friend who is really wanting me to start working out again....and although I miss it and know how good I would feel doing it again...when the alarm goes beep, it is just so easy to turn it off :)  I know she will continue to keep trying and I am sure that I will find the motivation again to do it.  For now a walk at least two times a week is the goal, and having you all reading might just be the push I need to make the better choice.  So off for a walk I go.....(but before I do that :)

I just have to share something that might make you smile...

I once had a friend tell me that when you reach 40...you feel like your body stops acting like it use too.  It always made me smile...but I have found there to be some truth in it!  My feet hurt!  And other things seems to be...well falling apart!  So for those of you a bit farther ahead in birthdays...

are shoe inserts, more expensive facial creams, trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and food allergies...normal?  If so... 40 might might be more challenging then I thought...lol.  

Dots...

........dots

In the first ever blog post for "These Five Walls" I gave you a disclaimer about my grammar and how I make up words.

So now here are some more......I like dots!  I like to use them because I think periods are harsh ways to end my sentences.  They seem so final....but dots give me a way to trail my voice and hopefully share some of the emotion in what I am saying....so if they don't drive you completely batty...hang in there with me.

I do hope that you will find something in what we share.....

Ok...I thought it might be nice to share a bit about myself and "These 5 Walls".  My name is Darcy DeBord and I am the proud owner of a little Interior Design business

White Birch Design Company, LLC (Formally Gate House Designs,LLC).
I love the world of design, and I use my own home and children as test subjects, when trying out all sorts of things.  Paint colors, design trends, etc.  I mean seriously I actually have burlap drapes because Ballard Design Magazine sells them , and my clients want to know if they work.  So what better way to tell them...then own them.

But that aside, my business is just a small part of who I am.  What goes on within the "Walls" of my home, is where life really happens.  It is where I try new things, get inspired, and watch my family of "5" grow.  Hence "These 5 Walls"

I want to share projects, food, style, and of course being a parent....and as you read in the first blog ....our journey....on how to deal with our grief of losing one of our own.  My friends keep asking me if I have thought about therapy.  Well this is my therapy....and my hope is that I can inspire someone else....someday.  The blog wasn't intended to be only about grief, but when you are where I am...it seems grief consumes everything. 

The sunshine helps and the rain?  Well dreary makes good company...Lets just say..bring on the sunshine.  Which might be a challenge when you live in Western Oregon.

I can't help but feel that if my sister just could have made it to spring and saw the sun...things might have been different.  I guess you try to come up with all sorts of what if's.  I did however recently hear something that stuck...

"You can't find rational answers in an irrational decision".  It caused me to pause, cry and and then a small smile appreared...why ? You ask?

I am turning 40 this month...

I just lost my sister....

I have a daughter turning 18 this year...

I have another daughter who just got her drivers learning permit...

My youngest daughter is now a teenager...

...I am not sure I even know what rational is....:)